Love By Breakup and Ton Bil
Love By Breakup spreads a big idea: You can find access to Love with a capital L by the passage of a breakup.
Access to Love is key to “being”, and it can but must not include being in a “love relationship”. Much of relationship live is determined by the needs of the lovers, needs that not seldom express themselves in neediness. This neediness has painful roots, mostly going back to very early childhood experiences of a lack of attention, care, touch, and other primal expressions of love.
Whilst a breakup breaks a love relationship apart, it also breaks the heart of the lovers. Why is that? Why were they so entangled that separating causes so much hurt? That is what Ton Bil described in a very personal book at first. (The book has been distributed in a not too wide circle of people in 2016. Its readers found Tons personal story very relatable.)
These thoughts have become the starting point of this Love By Breakup website, and the services that are offered to people who are going through a breakup, divorce or separation.
Ton Bil was born in 1962 as the fourth son of a Protestant family in the Netherlands. Although the girls may not have noticed, at the age of 11 he shyly courted first Anita, then Anja. This led to nothing and left him unrelaxed and longing.
His first sexual relationship started 14 years later. Again 6 years later, he met the woman he later married – at age 40. He separated from her at age 52. Ton and the woman that he accidentally still calls “his wife” have a daughter who was born in the year they got married.
Though being trained in respected disciplines at reputable institutions as an economist and later a psychologist, Ton was not into normal jobs or careers. He became a jack-of-all-trades and worked independently ever since he was 26. Most of his work was in marketing and business advice, coaching and teaching. He (co-)authored textbooks on marketing, a book on business innovation and published columns in a business magazine and lots of other stuff.
Ton became interested in meditation when he was around 28 years old. He practiced zazen, vipassana and mindfulness meditation. His happiest retreat was as a Happy Farmer in Plum Village, the buddhist community of zen master Thich Nhat Hanh in France.
Ton started coaching – business and personal life issues alike – at around 25 years ago. He went into coaching people in their breakups and divorces only after having gone through the process himself.
In recent years, Ton lives alternatingly in his country of origin The Netherlands, France and Germany. Tons hobbies are playing the piano, cooking, hunting mushrooms, gardening vegetables, playing chess online, and telling stories.
Ton has a bizarre sense of humor, low self-discipline, high friendship values, low noise tolerance and a high forehead. He considers himself an amateur and improvisator with everything he does, though some people who know him hold his ideas and results in high regard.
Postal address: Flierstraat 53, 4812 LC Breda, The Netherlands