That Boy, That Was Me

Author Ton Bil at Plum Village Happy Farm, France
Author Ton Bil at Plum Village Happy Farm, France

I was 31 when I met the woman whom I regard as my partner for 21 years, and 40 when our daughter was born. We separated when I was 52.

Our separation left me devastated and clueless. Deeply sad, I somehow kept a spark of optimism. Journaling, I kept my sanity. With my analytical mind, I tried to understand myself and what had happened. After some months, I felt I had a story to share with others in despair. Writing helped me to grow personally, and the other way around. Inspired by the Buddhist tradition, and by my parents, I embarked on a journey that has now become my life’s mission: to ease suffering in the world. Therefore I published this book and a program for personal growth. I hope both will be of help to you, and will help me to sustain my mission in this world.

Being left behind in our breakup was humbling. Writing this book and being confronted with my faults, fears and frailties was humbling as well. However I feel some pride in accomplishing my mission to publish this book. I gave it my all, and it was not easy.

My background as a writer

Have you ever met that boy, who had few friends and whose favorite pass-time was to read the encyclopedia? That was me.

My greatest pleasures have always been to analyze, and to ponder about the question “what would be wise?” No wonder I became a freelance consultant, teacher and writer.

I was lucky to be born a male white baby boomer (1962) in the Netherlands as the youngest of four in a middle class family. And to be able to study economics and social psychology (in the 1980’s).

Over the years I wrote a few books and lots of articles, columns and blog posts on business, psychology, and the like. I developed courses and programs, and I coached and consulted students, entrepreneurs and friends. Their questions often involved development and growth of themselves and their ventures. To me, it was like helping someone in his or her “life garden”. This felt right to me and made me feel “in my element”.

As I further explain here, my life mission is to lessen suffering in the world. I sincerely hope this book and the accompanying program will have this effect on as many people as possible.

When you have a question or just want to share something with me, drop me a line at I will always respond.

By clicking the link below, you will get your book by March, 2016. For free.